


Angels

by bisexualreina



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Complications, F/M, Family Angst, Family Dynamics, MSR, Mulder and Scully - Freeform, Post series finale, Pregnant Dana Scully, faith - Freeform, mulder and scully parents, post revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27322834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualreina/pseuds/bisexualreina
Summary: Mulder turns to prayer in a time of need.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	Angels

There were so many things going through both of their heads as they drove silently towards the hospital. To Scully this wasn’t anything new, almost as if she was waiting for this moment, this blood freezing, heart stopping moment that she felt something wrong, that the once tumbling fetus inside her going still. She had awoken Mulder in a cold panic, managing to get a sentence out, warning him that this could be it, then they would only get a short eight and a half months with their child, and even then it was just the internal feelings of movements, weight gain, nausea, and all of the other things that many learned to forget after the oxytocin kicked in.

She blamed herself, not that she had taken any worse care of herself since finding out that she harbored something so delicate, especially at her elevated age, but that the cards were finally being dealt. She had two other children, two that she vowed not to forget about, to hold close even though they were taken from her too young. She struggled even with William, the image of Emily fresh in her mind, she tried so desperately to keep them in existence in equal planes, but Emily was gone, a heavy grief that she carried, and for the purpose of creating a calm, stress free environment for her unborn child, she found herself trying to let go.

When she fell pregnant for the second, and what she expected to be, the last time, that struggle had returned. She wanted to be a parent to an existing and present child, but feared for that reality at the same time, if it was wise for a woman of her age go through with a pregnancy? Would it be selfish to subject an innocent, to Mulder, or anyone else to another go at it, to chance and risk another life through the dangers and turmoils of her complicated body.

To her this all seemed incredibly justified, that her of all people didn’t deserve this equal shot. She had a shot with William, and she saw how that played out in it’s entirety, making her think that this was only a matter of time. She worried that she’d never feel peace while harboring a human, she read that it was normal to have that feeling following the loss of a child, but two, it felt like this was never going to end in something joyous or positive.

In a moment like this she normally felt the need to pray to the higher being that she found herself turning to during the hardest parts of her life. It was one of the many things that she didn’t share with her partner, it was hers and hers alone, giving her a shred of security for herself and the baby that she unfortunately found herself loving from the beginning.

They pulled up towards the entrance of the emergency room and Mulder found himself racing around the still running car, getting the door for his partner, slowly easing her from the seat to her trembling feet. He could spot a wheelchair out of the corner of his eye, swiftly moving her trembling frame towards it.

“Sir, you cannot leave your car running in the ambulance bay.” A security guard called out, causing the agent to turn his attention from Scully and nervously glance at him. He knew that they would be in trouble if he got them stranded by getting the car towed, but he didn’t want to leave her there, he could see her blank expression, somehow laced with terror and heartache, and knew that she shouldn’t be left on the curb by herself.

“Scully, just give me a second, I need to move the car.” He whispered into her hair, feeling her nod tiredly before pulling her sweatshirt tighter around herself. He leapt into the driver’s seat and pulled their compact car around the corner and found himself leaping out, not even aware if he had locked the doors completely, his legs dragging him towards the entrance where his partner once sat in her wheelchair, the spot now empty, making his stomach drop and his legs jog faster towards the information desk in the front, scanning for any sign of Scully’s wheelchair.

She wasn’t anywhere to be found, the feeling nearly making Mulder hurl at the thought of something going wrong. The line of people had luckily thinned since they pulled up, allowing him to race towards the desk and view the sign in sheet, Scully’s name not scribbled on any of the boxes.

“My partner was waiting outside, about thirty eight weeks pregnant- long red hair…” Mulder rambled breathlessly, the man at the computer sighing as he recalled what had just happened, typing some information into the screen before nodding in Mulder’s direction.

“They brought her in, there was some blood…she should be in triage right now, you can take a seat and we will call you when she’s done or if anything changes.” He sighed, uninterested and not concerned about the clear anxiety that Mulder was omitting, he needed to be with her, he knew little about pregnancy, but from what he did know, blood was never a good sign, and he didn’t want to imagine her alone while receiving any bad news.

“Can I wait with her?” He pried, but the man just sighed and continued with his work, not even looking up from his files, most likely getting panicked individuals such as himself every day with the same dreary questions.

“Are you family or a spouse?” He droned on, making Mulder sigh at that stupid question that he found himself answering more frequently these days, especially in institutions such as these.

“No, but you’re really going to make my pregnant partner sit in there by herself during a medical scare?” He demanded, but the desk assistant just shrugged and pointed towards the waiting area, full of children sick with colds, needing stitches, and others just waiting nervously just as he was.

Sitting and waiting sounded like hell, no matter how many times he had done it in the past, cancer diagnosis, abductions, painful visions, _previous_ medical complications, being helpless was something he never liked to feel.

He groaned to his feet, the slight ache in his knees reminding him of his age, and although he was nearly a decade her senior, Scully’s. She often reminded him to not get his hopes up, that the chances of complications at her age were more likely, and to not expect much, but he refused to entertain that idea, for both of their sakes, but now this reality was too much to bear.

He knew that his ignorance wasn’t bliss, that Scully lived with this fear every day that December fourteenth grew closer, that with each unfamiliar twitch, or in this case, lack of, her fear only grew.

He was quite useless sitting and dwelling on these thoughts all on his own and his only option at this point seemed to be wandering. He crossed his arms and began to stroll down the hallway, unsure of who to call or what to do, he knew Scully would want Monica here for something like this, but she also knew that dragging her out of bed in the middle fo the night just to wait and worry seemed counter productive. 

His hands held the banister as he rounded the corner, careful not to lose his way, he knew he needed to stretch his legs, but didn’t want to travel too far in case Scully was done sooner than expected. 

He noticed the golden cross above one of the doors and poked his head in, realizing that he had stumbled on the chapel, figuring it would be a bit quieter than the waiting room filled with screaming children. 

He never found solace or refuge in the large, ornate cathedrals that many took comfort in, but he also knew that some things were out of his control, and when it came to Scully’s health and safety, he was willing to try anything. He breathed slowly and settled into the uncomfortable wooden pew, a leaflet tucked into one of the cupboards along with a book of intentions that could be written in, but he didn’t feel compelled to add Scully’s name for strangers to observe.

He wasn’t sure how praying worked, how to do it or if it worked, and he wanted to get it right- no, _needed_ to get it right for them. 

Exhaling nervously he pulled the worn kneeler down from the pew in front of him, the padding rubbed away from frequent lamenters. He had caught Scully on these before, whispering to herself whenever she needed extra strength, now assuming the position that mirrored hers, the vulnerability somehow convincing him that God could hear him better if he was a lowly man begging for forgiveness.

He wasn’t sure how to begin, but he recalled what Scully had said when he found her murmuring to herself on the edge of the bed after they had laid William- or Jackson’s metaphorical body to rest, burying an empty coffin to bring some closure to the grieving mother.

_“Its a conversation with God.”_

He could converse, he knew how to talk. He settled and folded his hands against his lips, waiting a beat before taking a shaking breath towards the front of the pulpit. 

“Dear…God. It’s me, well, you may not know who I am…or maybe you do.” He began, already off to a rocky start.

“Look, I know in terms of your laws and all that, you may not be the happiest with me or Scully, but listen, there is a deal I am willing to make with you. I know you know who Scully is, she talks to you and she celebrates you, and unlike me, she trusts you. She is in there, probably scared out of her mind, fighting with every fiber of her stubborn being to keep our kid healthy, hell, to keep it alive in there.” He whispered, afraid that someone else would hear, not out of embarrassment, hell he could care less, but that this believed to be sacred conversation would lose it’s value if heard by other ears, and he needed all the worldly power he could get.

“Look, whatever you do up there, whatever your plan is, please let her keep this baby. She has been the perfect parent, done nothing out of line. God, she loved each and every one of her children with everything in her. I’ve never seen someone so enamored, so deeply in love with their children then the way Scully was- the way she is.” He cried, recalling the curve of her face whenever she spoke of their shared son, even before she had ever laid eyes on him, she loved him dearly.

“Whatever karma this is, it isn’t hers, she _cannot_ lose _another_ child. I have seen her try and make her peace with having each one taken from her, each opportunity torn from her like some kind of sick game playing with her without any mercy.” He now cried out angrily, frustrated with whatever God was up there that allowed these tragedies from happening to Scully.

“Look, if that doesn’t convince you, I’ll say that she has a good heart, the best one I’ve ever seen in a person. She is strong, confident person, she stands up for those who needs it, and protects her family with- God with _everything_ in her. She doesn’t need someone to watch over her like she’s a fragile little thing, butthat doesn’t mean that she has to deal with this!” He stammered, trying to think of every endearingpart of the woman that he saw as perfect in his eyes.

“Look, I was not a good father. I left, I had the whole world right in my grasp and I got up and I left it all behind for nothing. So if you’re going blame anyone, _punish_ anyone it has to be me. I don’t deserve a second chance, but I got it, and I plan on using it to be the best father and make up for what I didn’t do.” He confessed, even promised to the universe.

“Look, I love this kid already, believe me I do, but Jesus I know she can’t and shouldn’t have to go through with another loss. She’s a mother of three, she always will be, but just let her have this one, do what you need to do with me, but just let her have this one.” He shuddered, smacking his hand down in frustration, not realizing the hot, upsetting anguish that was seeping out of his pores.

“ _Please_.” He breathed, catching his composure before glancing up at the moon that was leaking in through a paneled slat in the roof, it’s glow washing him out.

“Let her have one.” He whispered, concluding his prayer before pushing his aching knees off of the wood, his body exhausted from what his mind had just experienced, all of the fear and heartache rushing through him in one massive wave.

He wanted her to have every joy that this experience brings, but he also knew, there was already a fear there, and having blissful, naive joy was no longer a luxury of hers. He bit down on his lip and shuffled out of the chapel, shrugging his hands into his pockets before returning towards the waiting room.

The desk assistant had changed, now a pleasant woman who seemed to be starting her shift, waving him towards the front. He sucked in a breath and stumbled towards her.

“The man I just relieved told me to tell you when they were done with your partner, you are free to head back, third curtain from the wall.” She updated, Mulder now jogging back and through the double doors towards his partner.

***

The drive had been less rigid, but still silent as they returned home as the sun rose over the tall buildings, shining against an exhausted Scully who kept nodding off in the passenger’s seat, her hand carefully resting on the calmer expanse of her stomach.

He was afraid to speak, she had been fine, their child was okay, but he didn’t want to upset her any more than he already knew she was. The car was parked and he felt guilty disturbing her slumber, but he also knew she wouldn’t be able to move for days if she slept in the uncomfortable car. He took his chances and brushed a hand on her cheek, making her stir and come to, silently reaching out for him to help her from the low carriage of the car and up their staircase which seemed to be longer and longer with each passing day.

Once they had changed and settled the sun was now fully rising over the horizon, however their shared exhaustion did not welcome it, making Scully scoot onto the bed with a tired groan, her hand never moving it’s spot, perched on the front of her stomach.

“How’s she doing in there?” Mulder questioned softly while scooting beside her, feeling once more, the rumbling from within easing both of their nerves as they tried to rest.

“Moving, which I welcome.” She shrugged, leaning back against her soft pillows, chuckling at the feeling of little toes finding her ribcage, the bubbling of her voice making Mulder smile and crouch over to rest his head against her skin, feeling the probing of their daughter against his cheek as he softly spoke, introducing himself, reminding her of the family’s shared excitement for her, and that her presence was encouraged.

Scully just ran a hand through his hair, no longer able to catch his attention as he chatted with their child, their bond striking, like nothing she had seen yet between a father and daughter. She felt it, the nurse insisted that he needed to wait outside as they checked on her, probing and testing, and monitoring all without answering her questions, allowing her partner in, or assuring her of her child’s wellbeing. She was old and cranky and dismissive, and was nothing compared to the younger woman who had finally taken a moment to pause, once she noticed the building tears of frustration and fear in her eyes, allowing Mulder in to sit quietly at the side of her triage bed, their hands interlaced.

It had been moments after he entered, as if he had willed it- fervent, deliberate, movements twisting inside of her, almost to convince her that everything was okay.

She felt silly for not recognizing her bloody show, thinking it was something much worse, but doctors and nurses alike assured her that she was simply too close to the situation. The movements although aggressive and consistent, calmed her down, a peace washing over the both of them for whatever reason she chose not to investigate.

“I think she really likes when you talk to her, she moves when she feels you, when she hears you.” Scully smiled groggily, settling into a nearly comatose state, her comment making Mulder look up in her direction, still keeping contact with her as she continued with her story.

“She got excited and started moving again when you came into the room at the hospital, it felt less scary because she felt normal.” Scully commented, a smirk spreading on her face as she ran her fingers through his greying hair.

“Really?” He almost gasped, making Scully chuckle and trail her hand down to his cheek, scratching his stubble.

“Yeah, you’re like magic with her.” She sighed, not taking much to nod off after shuffling to find her favorite position. Mulder couldn’t help but blink a few tears away, climbing beside her with an arm slung over her, planting a kiss onto the back of her shoulder, grateful that he used his one prayer, his one olive branch into the realm of blind faith, for the most important thing he could possibly think of.


End file.
